All I Want for My Birthday…(A Mom’s Deepest Desires)

Today is my birthday.  I turn 34 (I think…I stopped counting a long time ago and my math skills are a little suspect.)  I have accepted that I am officially old, or at least too old to be cool and want cool things for my birthday.  Especially considering the top of my list of lustful wants is a Vitamix (cause our blender takes about 20 minutes to make a smoothie these days), a new tea kettle and a Dyson vacuum.  I know, right?!  The stuff that dreams are made of.  I swear I do more than cook and clean.

Anywhoo…here are the 5 things I REALLY want for my birthday.

1. To miraculously wake up to a spotlessly clean house.  No grains of sand on the floor.  No dishes in the sink.  No toys strewn about every nook and cranny.  No laundry overflowing.  No pile of clean clothes waiting to be folded, taunting me every time I stroll by the basket.  No dog fur on the carpet.  Oh to wake up to a house where everything is neatly put away, the counters are clear and the floors are mopped and shiny – sounds heavenly right?
2. A day without tantrums.  We have been transitioning to afternoons without a nap…which means misery ALL DAY LONG.  I would love a day where I don’t have to bargain my way through the day.
3. No cooking.  None.  Not even putting cream cheese on a bagel.  I would love to not have to set foot in the kitchen.  To not have to make breakfast, lunch and dinner – most of which ends up on the floor, ceiling, toddler, dog…anywhere but IN the mouth.  Bonus if I also don’t have to clean up after!
4. To not be hugely pregnant.  Ok…I know baby still has weeks to marinate and an early arrival would be no bueno – not only because of the health of our little bambino, but more practically because, well, we have no name, no clothes unpacked, no plans for where we are going to send our adorable first-born when I do go into labor, and essentially nothing ready.  BUT it would be oh so nice to just lay down on my stomach, have ankle bones again or say tie my shoes.
5. Sleep.  Sleep at night without having to pee 5 times.  Sleep without tossing and turning and being attacked by a sea of pillows and tangled blankets.  Sleep without toddler feet running through the house at 4am.  Sleep in past 6 am.  JUST SLEEP!

I know this list is probably NOT the sexiest of birthday desires and borderline lame…but it’s the truth.  I don’t need jewelry or fancy gifts to make me feel good – although a spa day would be nice…mama NEEDS a haircut.  I’m also not sure if this list means that I have matured beyond the desire of material things or fallen into a sad, depressing state of affairs…the verdict is still out.  Regardless, I’m sure some of you can relate to wanting these simple things that will likely NOT EVER HAPPEN (at least until our kids are much older…or perhaps until they move out of the house.)  Until then, I will dream of sleep-filled nights, sparkling countertops, Brady Bunch children and a flat, toned stomach.